


A Second Letter

by olibloop



Series: Letters to My King [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur - Freeform, I suppose, M/M, Merlin - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, SO SORRY, Sad, again this is really sad, i guess its kinda ooc for merlin but im just, i wanted to write an apology letter, it has a few positive parts in it, sorry - Freeform, sorry i jsut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 07:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olibloop/pseuds/olibloop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To my dearest Arthur,<br/>In hopes that soon my forever will also be yours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Second Letter

**Author's Note:**

> oh my god this is not as good as i hoped im sorry i just like writing letters i guess  
> my tumblr: sawtoothandsquarewave  
> send me prompts, drabbles, fic recs, ask me for fic recs, demand i write something, or just say hi!  
> if you want me to see something post it on tumblr and tag it gendpurr uvu  
> thank you so much for reading!! uvu

To my dearest Arthur,  
In hopes that soon my forever will also be yours.

I’m afraid this letter may not contain many jokes or laughs, and for that I apologize. In fact, that is the point of this letter-it is an apology.  
I often find myself thinking of the years we spent together. I think of what might have happened if I never met you, if I never came to Camelot. I believe your life would have been much better. Your kingdom would be great, your years plentiful, and your chest would still rise and fall.  
I also think what would happen if I didn’t help Mordrid. If I had only heeded the Great Dragon’s warnings, perhaps you and I would still be together. You would be sitting on your throne and I would be behind you, at your side like what should have happened.  
You could have ruled a great kingdom. Albion would thrive under your rule. And even as much as I envied Gwen for having your affections, as much as I wished I could spend my nights with you in bed and days out on trips and picnics. If I could not have had you as a lover, though, I would have dealt with it.  
I just wished to be by your side.  
No, I still wish to be by your side.  
And I will still wish it until you have returned.  
I am so sorry I ever came into your life-I did not mean to ruin everything. I was much too trusting of people. I was naïve, I did not listen to warnings. It caused your death, it caused Camelot’s downfall. It is all my fault, Arthur, and I pray that when you return you will forgive me, I pray that whatever afterlife you are in you are watching over me, that you have already forgiven me. If you do not forgive me, I will never forgive myself, and I will not be able to go on anymore.  
When you read these, I hope you do not find me to be pathetic. I am just so, so sorry, and I wish that I could tell you that.  
…  
I believe that this is my punishment, perhaps. It was my fault you died, and so for my punishment, I must live without you by my side.  
It is the worst punishment I have ever endured.  
Having to watch you die, hold your body in my arms as the life was stolen from you. I had to burn your body, I had to leave the kingdom, I had to abandon my life.  
I am so very sorry, this letter is terribly emotional and sappy. I did warn you in the beginning though. I will apologize for this terribly emotional and slightly ridiculous letter, I suppose. I can practically hear you call me an overemotional moron, and I would call you a prat, or some sort of silly banter like that. After all, you never were one to admit anything you felt so easily.  
I miss these conversations dearly, when I remember them I often find myself smiling. I rarely smile much. But I am trying to keep on living, and I will keep on living, it will just not be as good without you. The sun will not shine as bright, colours have dimmed, and I find myself sinking into shades of grey sometimes. I promise you it is not on purpose-I try so hard to be joyful. I like to believe you want me to one day move on, and I swear that I am trying. But as I said-colours have dimmed and the sun does not shine quite as bright. And compared to your eyes, no stars in the sky will ever be quite as breathtaking as they once were. When everything is grey and dimmed and lonely, I find it so hard to be joyful.  
Although I guess that’s just some pessimism I have gained over these long, tired years without you.  
I apologize, for this also is one of the letters in which my pessimism peaks through. Sometimes I just need to write it down, because I will not be able to tell you any of this, not yet.

From your other side of the same coin and with a heart that only belongs to you,  
Merlin.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry guys this did not come out as good as i hoped, i may edit and repost later!


End file.
